"...And This Year's Musical Darwin Award Goes To..."

Mega Critic By Mega Critic, 26th Sep 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Reviews>Music>Hard Rock & Metal

A review of one of the worst local bands I have ever come across.

"...And This Year's Musical Darwin Award Goes To..."

BLOOD OAK:

Possibly one of the WORST local acts I have ever encountered in my life. Formed in 2010 after one Chase Gill was unceremoniously kicked out of Anomic (a local band who recently reformed as a recording project) after not being able to play his parts for a show and attempting to "mime" them onstage while the band was opening for a series of big name artists, all while acting like an obnoxious troll towards anybody and everybody he met. Chase met several less-than-stellar musicians in the Loundoun County area after his firing and tried to form an "epic new band". Eventually, several of the people that had been conned into joining this band realized what they were in for, and had the good sense to leave. This includes one Kramer Szczesniak (who, from what I understand, left after the first "band practice", which consisted entirely of taking photos of the band out in the fucking woods), who is now the bass player for local elitist Death Metal powerhouse, Orgy of the Damned (a great band who I will be doing a review on later).

After many months, they finally produce a "song", titled "The Day Man Dies" (see the facebook link included in this review). Long story short, this shit was...well...SHIT. Not much more to say.

If you want the long version, the song starts out with an unbearably long section of nothing but crickets chirping and some mild background noise (not entirely sure what this is supposed to do for the song, but i can guarantee you, if these morons ever played this unholy excuse for a song LIVE, that's all you would hear afterwards, followed by a tidal wave of angry booing). Then we finally hear what appear to be guitars. The guitars sound like they were performed by some 9-year-old amateur with a God complex...Which, if you think about it, really describes the emotional maturity level of the buffoon attempting to play the instrument. There is no praise to be given anywhere. The tone sounds like somebody dicked around on a cheap Line 6 amp for 5 minutes, the playing is sloppy, and doesn't go anywhere...and the "music" (if you can even call it that) just makes no real sense.

The band supposedly has a drummer, but the closest thing I can hear to percussion in this song is something that sounds like a bored 2-year-old banging a stick against a table in a misguided attempt to produce a cohesive rhythm.

There are no bass parts to speak of, but if there were, I'd be willing to bet they'd be just as bad as the guitars.

On the whole, there is no definable structure to this "song" whatsoever. There was no application of music theory, and seems to have no thought put into it.

Chase, if you are reading this, better luck next time. You really need to hit the practice room, and maybe find some REAL bandmates.

For those of you who wish to attempt to get through more than 5 seconds of this song without wanting to amuse yourself in some other way (like watching porn, for instance), or who are just plain stupid enough to think that Blood Oak is good music, you may find them here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Blood-Oak/166701680037000

Trolling of this band's Facebook page is strictly supported and encouraged.

What the scene has to say:

I asked some local musicians what they though of this atrocity of a band, and their terrible music. This is what I got:

Duncan Jones (Anomic, Arcana, 12 Gauge Disciples, solo) - "Oh my god. This part is like three notes and he fucked up. He missed a note. Oh my god. My roommate is even making fun of this. loooooool. WHY IS THE INTRO SO LONG? THIS ISN'T KVLT, JUST REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING! COOL FOUR NOTES THERE, CHASE! I LIKE HOW YOU PLAY THE SAME PATTERN OVER AND OVER WITH NO EFFECTS AT ALL, WITH THE DRUMMER RANDOMLY HITTING HIS STICKS TOGETHER! Dear christ this is terrible...Is weed really more harmful than five cups of coffee a day or two big ADHD pills?"

Henry Ramos (ex-Vile Infection, ex-Serpentine, ex-Brutality Rising, ex-Arcana, Anxiety) - "How was that a song? Thats not a fucking song. wtf? It was like going up the fretboard followed by a slide. Fuck that!"

Johnn Harbringer (ex-Vile Infection, ex-Abhorrent Creation, Anomic, Arcana, ex-We Were Forsaken, 12 Gauge Disciples, ex-Burtality Rising, ex-Serpentine, Serpent's Tongue, solo) - "I can't believe it...There's actually a band worse than Exasper8. I didn't think it was possible! Then again, we fired Chase from Anomic for a reason. The guy is a terrible guitarist, mediocre vocalist, and he practically faked everything at the one show he played with us. Fuck this shit! You can quote me, this shit is fucking atrocious! Does anybody in their right mind actually think this is MUSIC?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Paul Webster (Orgy of the Damned) - "Oh man, it is absolutely terrible! It is silence for 2 minutes, then notes held out for 2 beats for another 2 minutes, then silence again, then some crappy quarter note rock riff. He says he likes Agalloch...but at least agalloch had groove, and was fun. But yea, Chase sucks."

Harrison Hatcher (ex-Buried Breathing, ex-Soles Dei) - "The first 2 minutes of this song fucked it over and sealed the deal. I want those 2 minutes of my life back, now. The incessant cricket chirping was all I needed to hear to know that this song was going to suck. Come to think of it, the cricket-chirping was better than the fucking 'music'!"

...and from a friend of mine, known only as "InsurrectionJoe" - "What's with the crickets? And the random tapping on the table? Okay, we got some guitar notes here
that don't go together at all...waiting for the song to kick in...jesuschristhowhorrifying.jpg"

In conclusion...

Readers, I advise avoiding the band Blood Oak like the plague if you value your sanity. Thank you for reading. That is all.

Tags

Blood Oak, Garbage, Horrible Music, Loudoun Metal, Shit

Meet the author

author avatar Mega Critic
I am an anonymous author who reviews local and national acts, and occasionally will touch on a few personal subjects. If you enjoy my work, I thank you for your support. If not...oh well...

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