Book Review: Married without Masks: Dare to love no matter what the cost, by Nancy Groom

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This article reviews the book, "Married without Masks". Oneness flows between marriage partners from a shared loving authentically real relationship with God.

The author writes from a spiritual perspective, but to love in such a real way, unconditionally so, perhaps will always have to include some of these types of spiritual ideas, or truths, within the loving.

Would your real self please stand up?

We all wear masks of a sort at times.

Sometimes we wear them to cover over ourselves, so that other people won't see who we really are. Perhaps this is because we are ashamed in some way of our being of this person, our real self.

We need to learn to take this type of mask off to enable ourselves to be more real./b]

On the other hand though, sometimes, we can become more real and authentically us when we put on a mask. This might occur when we are in a party, or somewhere else, and others don't know then who it really is (underneath the mask), and so then we are not then ashamed of our being of more of our real selves then. We have removed some of our inhabitations about our doing this.

"Be bold, be brave enough to be your true self."

The quote just given is from the American singer/song-writer, Queen Latifah. Her real name is Dana Elaine Owen though.

I wonder why she changed her name though. I hope she too isn't still wearing a mask of sorts too!

By way of an example.....

I remember an incident in my own life where this once happened. My brother and I had gone along to a carnival at a showgrounds. We bought some rubber masks, and we wore them around the grounds at this place, all day long.

Maybe when I wore my mask at this showgrounds I was not really being my real self either, but I was being more happy, more open, and more spontaneously alive, and so I do think that I was at least then a little bit closer to being it, than I was being without my wearing of this mask.

Should we love no matter what the cost, should we be our real selves at all times, or not?

This is what the writer of this book is telling us all to do.

Maybe this being of our real self is not the real issue here at all though.

The real issue is perhaps more about the fear that is masking/preventing us from taking on this persona that we have been born to be.

We need to be this real self by loving who we are, and by loving all others, as well./b]

But should we always do this, as this book suggests for us to do, at no matter what the cost, to both ourselves, and to others, as well?

To me, this type of loving is a good thing to do, as long as it doesn't exact costs from others by our doing this.

There is a happy medium line here to draw though, I think, and we should not force our real self onto someone else, just for the sake of our doing so. This is especially so if we know that by so doing we will hurt them.

In that case, it is better to more just quietly be our real self, but to not sing out about it too much, with a self-proud loud voice. If we didn't do this, we might use it as an excuse to abuse someone, by our saying to them, "Well, I was only being my real self here."

In other words, we should not stop loving them, but we should love them in such a way that they can accept it without their being hurt, or abused by the loving, and which perhaps has become selfishly directed onto them by ourselves, when we try to gain something from another person by our loving of them.

Authentically real love gives without wanting anything back like this, at all times. This is of course, unconditional love.

"A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won't be too bad."

The quote above is from the American actor, Robert Wagner.

Well if our dog can teach us unconditional love, it must not be so hard for us to learn then, but actually it does not have to be learnt at all. Our not loving in this way, just has to be un-learnt!

Finally, a bit about the book in question

Nancy Groom has written a number of other books too.

Here is a quote from her that I found on the "goodreads" site.

"Once we've tasted being alive, we can't go back to being dead. Aliveness in God is addictive."

Her books all aim at bringing us into our being more alive within God.

Nancy Groom is very well groomed in these areas. She is a Bible teacher, she speaks at Religious conferences, and she leads spiritual retreats.

Here are a few points that she made in her book.

Do not appease your partner. Be your real self, even despite it causing conflict at times. Allow your love to be genuine.

Marriage is not just about ourselves alone. It is about coming together in the fellowship of God and finding the deep joy within the marriage that God intended a marriage to provide us with.

Sometimes we run away from the truth, as a sort of self-protective strategy. We think that the other person cannot handle hearing the truth, and so we try to protect them from it with a lie then instead.

This book was first published in 1989, by NavPress, the publishing ministry for the Navigators. In England, it was re-printed by Scripture Press.

In summary then, Nancy Groom shows us here how to drop our masks, and how to open ourselves up to our experiencing an authentically loving true intimacy.

Photo credits:

All photos used here, except for the cover photo of the book which belongs to myself, have been freely sourced from the free media site, Wikimedia Commons.


Authentic Intimacy, Be Your Real Self, Book Review, Book Reviews, Dare To Love, Intimacy, Marriage, Married Without Masks, Nancy Groom, True Intimacy

Meet the author

author avatar spirited
I have been interested in the spiritual fields for over thirty five years now. My writing is mostly in this area.

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author avatar Kingwell
23rd Feb 2015 (#)

Real love must be unconditional. We all wear masks sometimes although it would be better if no one had too. How good to love ourselves and others just as we are. Blessings.

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author avatar spirited
23rd Feb 2015 (#)

Yes, I appreciate your comments Kingwell, and I agree totally with them too.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
23rd Feb 2015 (#)

Sometimes, are forced to wear masks due to the occasion.However, between couples and within family there should be no masks to hide our feelings. The level of intimacy depends on the comfort levels too as partners' mental make up differ. Thanks for the review Spirited - siva

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author avatar spirited
23rd Feb 2015 (#)

thanks siva.

I guess at the start of a relationship, we keep our hair up and only later do we feel safe enough to let it down. Maybe that is a comfort level mask that we wear too.

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author avatar Kingwell
24th Feb 2015 (#)

Congratulations on being author of the day! Blessings.

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author avatar spirited
24th Feb 2015 (#)

thanks Kingwell, I didn't notice that...

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author avatar Carol Roach
24th Feb 2015 (#)

well done, Latifa is her stage name,

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author avatar spirited
24th Feb 2015 (#)

yes thanks Carol, she hosts a TV program I believe using that name.

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